Let Nothing Be Wasted

I have experienced joy, triumph, hope, victory, growth, peace, forgiveness, and love.  This life is not one-sided, however, and as such, I have also experienced defeat, sorrow, loss, pain, heartbreak, devastation, and isolation. Though my story is far from over, despite the many chapters that have already been written, there have been many lessons learned both through the good and the bad.

There is power in our stories, we have but to share them with those around us. When our stories are shared, nothing is wasted. This is my constant prayer -

Lord, let nothing be wasted.

Let no tear or terror,

no fear or failure,

no loss or heartbreak,

Let nothing be wasted.

Let no love or triumph,

no hope or joy,

no victory or process,

 Let nothing be wasted.

 

In going through life as transparent as possible, I have learned that I must allow all of me to be available to God. The stories that He chooses to use and share are not mine to contain. Every moment of our lives can be used to encourage others whether through our failings or our faithfulness. It takes making every part of you, every thought, every moment, every breath, and every heartbeat available to God. It is not easy. There are words that I have spoken to others that I had no idea that God would pour out of me to encourage them from stories less than glowing in terms of my character. It will never be easy, but it is the only way that I can live.

 

I feel deeply. I have always felt deeply. There was a time in my life that feeling so deeply caused me to run behind walls and hide the true me from the world and all those that had hurt me, as well as to prevent further harm. However, in that time I was not living, I was hiding. It took friends who loved me enough to speak the truth to pull me out of that darkness even if it hurt. From that place, I have come to another where I refuse to hide. I feel deeply. I grieve deeply. I love deeply. There is no other option in my life. This is my heart. This is how I am wired. This is me. To deny that part of me, would be to deny all of me.  Feeling deeply for all those around me can be exhausting, but I would rather be exhausted and live on the strength of God than run back behind the walls I tore down.

 

I have loved deeply and been loved in return. I have experienced love that has broken me to pieces. I do not regret loving so fully or so deeply. Nor do I have any anger for those who loved me and then left me broken. The truth is I love them still and will in some ways, always will. In the days following heartbreak, I was shattered being pieced back together by God and just praying for nothing to be wasted. Since those moments only a couple months ago, God has used me to speak life into relationships that were on the brink of destruction, to pour hope into a couple on the verge of letting go of twelve years together, and to speak life into a friend who is now walking through a situation similar to the one I just went through. He is always faithful.

 

The darkest days of my life were going through my father's battle against cancer, his death two years later, and the months following his death that I spent trying to figure out a new normal. I clung to God. It truly was all I could do. I prayed and prayed to God to let nothing be wasted, not his life, not his love, not my pain and heartache. I prayed that God would use me to speak into others going through similar circumstances. I have lost count of the people who have walked into my life at a point when they needed someone to just come alongside them as they had just been given the hard news about a parent, child, or other loved one. I praise God every time that nothing is wasted and for the strength to be available to God always, to be used by God always. It hurts every time, but I grow stronger every time, and I am used in someone else's life in just the moment they need to hear that they are not alone and that they can walk through these days. 

 

This is why, no matter the circumstance - trial or triumph, I will pray, let nothing be wasted.

I believe it. I will live it.