When You Don't Get to Know Why

There are many times in life that you will not get to know why.

Why did they have to get sick?
Why did they leave me?
Why did I say that?
Why did I leave them?
Why am I sick?
Why can't I have the job that I've worked hard for?
Why did they lie about me?
Why won't they stay?
Why can't they stop?
Why did they stop loving me?
Why won't they work for this?
Why? Why? WHY?

One of the constants in life is that we often do not get to know the why. Especially when it concerns other people in our lives. I would rather have the answers to the "why's" of life than worry with the "what if's." Questioning is part of human nature; we are detail oriented and want to know everything that has happened to us and everything heading toward us. We want the details not so that we can be aware, but rather so that we can be in control. We want to take care of ourselves, control our future, and lead our lives.

There are some things that we do not get to control. We do not get to control why people we love get sick and die. We do not get to control why people who say they will always be there and care for us stop loving us and leave us broken. We do not get to control what people say or think about us. We do not get to control very much. That which we do control, our human response to our surroundings and experiences, is rather limited.

Some "Why's?" may get answered through life experiences or people explaining their reasons. While others will be left to either fester like an infected wound or gather dust as they eventually lay forgotten in the corner of the closet. Most often, though, the "why's" will not be answered. I do not mean this to be a negative post in any way; I am just trying to be real, open, and vulnerable.

Honestly, knowing the "why" does not ever change the situation. For the most part, if we were to know the "why," it would reopen the wound or even create a deeper wound.  In the rare cases where, after time, you are provided with the "why," it does allow for closure or healing in some circumstances. However, change comes through moving forward and asking ourselves, "what now?" "Now that I am here, what now? What are my next steps?" These questions are not just questions for ourselves, but are for us to ask God. Instead of asking "But, why?" over and over again like a three-year-old prolonging a conversation, we need to start asking, "What now, God?" or "Now that I'm here, what do You have for me next? To where do I turn? What do I do?" Finding an answer to the "what's" of life are more substantial and can be the catalyst for change in your life.

God is ever faithful, even when I consistently bother him with the "why's" I have, to remind me of this scripture:

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

Isaiah 43:18-19

The best thing that we can do in life is to keep moving forward without hanging onto all the unanswered "why's." Those unanswered "why's" can lead to bitterness, anger, isolation, and fear. We are not made to live in those things. Rather, we are made to live in the fullness of this life, enjoying it hand-in-hand with God.

So no matter what "why" you are facing right now. Stop asking "why" and starting figuring out the "what now" through seeking God. Do not dwell on the "why" you don't know or the apology you were never given. Instead, recognize that God is trying to do a new thing in you, in your heart, and in your life. But, YOU have to move on from the "why" to find the way through the wilderness to the wonderful that is yet to come.

Learn to live, to love, and to trust your heart again.

You Can't Avoid the Process

Sometimes to process we have to go through things before we can move forward from them.

I'm a processor. I don't like to have to make rash or on-the-spot decisions. I like to hear every side of the story and see a circumstance from every available angle. I like to process things. Sometimes this can make life difficult for the people around me; often, when people want an answer or advice for a circumstance or situation they want it right that moment, however, I am usually unable to provide that immediate gratification.

As much as I like to process things, I do not like to go through the process.

The process can be hard.
The process can be  painful.
The process can be  jagged and broken.
The process can be  remorseless.
The process can be  difficult.

The process makes me want to give up.

The process is refining.

The process is necessary.


We must go through the process.  We cannot avoid the process. It is only by going through the process, that the future is unlocked. When we try to skirt the process or run from it all together, we may go down a different road, but eventually will end up back at the beginning of the process. This cycle repeats until we make the choice to consciously go through the process. That decision is difficult because it means choosing to have pieces chiseled out and those that can't be chiseled out, refined by fire. Choosing to go through the process means actively reliving events, circumstances, and difficulties in order to allow God to remove them and heal us entirely - heart, mind, body, and soul.

The process does not guarantee us immediate gratification of the answers to the questions we are asking or solutions to the situations we are facing. The process does guarantee that we will encounter the peace of God as through the process we draw closer in the presence of God.

So, if you are coming out of the process, be open to God using you to encourage others through having vulnerability and sharing your story. If you are in a steady period of life, be prepared that as you level up it will require you to go through the process. Lastly, if you are in the process, hold on. Hold on to God - let go of the control. As you go through the process, know that you are being built up for the things yet to come. These things will be wonderful new adventures that will stretch you in ways never imagined, take you to places never envisioned, and fulfill the purpose that God is slowly revealing in you over time. So take heart, my dear friends, and go through the process.

The Thing I Hate Most

When I was growing up there was one word that we were not allowed to use. Okay, there were many words that we were not allowed to use; the most inappropriate word I used as a child was "shoot" and oh my goodness did I get in trouble, but that, my friends, is a story for another post.  The word that we were not allowed to use was hate. This is because using the word hate meant that we loathed something or someone to the point that we wished it gone from the earth entirely. My father taught me that there is nothing or no one so bad that we should hate it or them.  I agree with this sentiment, however, in the light of full disclosure there are some confessions I need to make of things that I do hate.

I hate spiders.
I hate lies.
I hate betrayal.

But mostly, I hate running. I know, I know, that was somewhat anticlimactic. Let me clear the air a bit since there are many who probably cannot even begin to understand how running outranks lies and betrayal. This is because lies and betrayal come from others and when people lie to you or betray you it is because they are operating out of hurt and pain. I am not saying their actions are justified because they are not, but I am saying that hurting people hurt people and unfortunately this world and our lives are full of hurting people.

I hate running. This insane thing here is that if you asked me what is one thing I do almost every day for exercise, I would answer with running. It is okay - you can shake your head. I understand; it makes no sense at all. I run and yet I hate running. For me, running is that thing through which I can slough off the day and all its parts that I do not need to carry around. When emotions get involved or when it has been a truly terrific or absolutely terrible day, it shows up in my running through either the length of time or the tenacity with which I drive my feet into the ground much to my chagrin the next day.  I run to release.

In reality, this running to release and running to exercise is not actually the running I hate. The running that I hate is when we run from God. This takes form in choosing our will over His or when in our pain and sorrow following a difficult circumstance we run from His sight and presence. Or, at least, we think we run from Him. The amazing thing is that there is no distance that we can run wherein we can outrun Him or be removed from His sight. His love and presence engulfs us in our running just as it does when we sit before Him. It is not because of anything we have done or because we are anything special in the sight of the world. It is simply because there is no place we can go that His love doesn't stretch out to us to return to him. The thing that we fail to realize in our running is that even as we are running away, God is before us setting out a course that we can choose that will bring us right back into His arms, into His presence, and into the knowledge and rooting that we are loved by Him who created us.

So my question is this, why then do we still choose to run? It is time to stop running from God because of the pain of the past, the problems of the present, or the worry of the future. It is time to turn in the running shoes and trust the path that God has for us. It is time for us to return and give up running and choose instead to remain.