When It's Over

After a breakup, it is difficult to find a new rhythm. It takes time - time to rediscover who you are, what you like, what you want, where you want to be, and where you actually are. That is just the beginning; the real work comes when it is time to mend and repair your heart. Thankfully, God is a master at taking what is broken, melting it down, and rebuilding anew.  It has been a few months since I faced a really difficult breakup. Many people in my life were excited that he and I were no longer together because of their own opinions and were very vocal in their joy that we were no longer in a relationship. Those statements only served to further break my heart. He was a good man. He was just not the man for me, nor was I the woman for him. It is what it is.


For me, it was one of those prayerful seasons of claiming and asking for God's perfect will for my life and for his life even if it meant that our lives would not continue together. When you pray those prayers, you must be ready and willing to accept the response. It took my breath away when it happened and continued to steal my breath during moments over the months to come. I do not give love lightly or easily. Nor do I date widely or haphazardly. I know that I am not for just anyone or everyone, therefore not everyone will be given access to me or my heart.


Over the past months, God has brought me into an ever-deepening and ever-widening understanding of His Presence, Purpose, Timing, and Will. These months have had me on my face and my knees more than naught and I am not embarrassed to say so. Rather, I hope that my transparency in this will provide you hope that if you find yourself in a similar situation in the future or currently, that you will press in to God and trust Him to combat the waves and trials you face in the aftermath of a broken relationship. The last month or so, I have felt peace and a calm that is only attributed to God. In this time, I knew that I had moved on and it was finally over - my heart was healed and I could step out and forward into the unknown.


Hah - was I ever humbled when out of nowhere something popped up that brought it all to the forefront and I got upset OUT OF NOWHERE! I couldn't believe it; I just knew that I was done. I trusted God; I was healed. Then, just like that God brought me to a place - a hidden and hurting place wherein I found one last stronghold of pain, doubt, and fear. I opened up to a couple amazing women of God in my life and found myself being stretched, encouraged, and challenged to attack the stronghold and finally let go the last pieces that unknowingly I had been holding on to.


So, I did. I attacked that stronghold from a position of victory - my knees. I took it to God, surrendered it all and then took action. I removed reminders of him and disposed of them. I became conscious of attacking the thoughts that would pop up and remind me of him or our adventures together. It is not a one-and-done type of deal; I'm sure that I will face further attacks, but I will face them as I did this, from my knees with the knowledge that I operate from victory.


So, to pull it all together:
- Have people in your life that can push in, stretch you, and encourage you to step up to where you ought to be. Live in community, just make sure that the voices you are listening to are coaches, not critics.
- Being broken doesn't mean you are a failure, it means that God is ready and waiting to rebuild you in His image for His purpose.
- Faith is a journey, that is why 2 Corinthians 5:7 says, "For we walk by faith, not by sight."


I am not pained by errant thoughts any longer. I am open to where God is leading. I am able to stand in the knowledge that I am not for everyone and will not make myself available to just anyone. God uses the process to develop us and teach us to press in to His presence continuously, no matter our circumstances.












"That's When You Know It's Over"

"When the time of the year don't stir up the tears anymore
When it don't feel like the past is a gun and there's nowhere to run anymore
When it don't take every bone to not dial her [his] number just leave her [him] alone

That's when you know it's over
That's when you know you've made it over to the other side,
Ready for another ride
That's when you know it's over

When you wouldn't go back even if you could
When hearing she's [he's] happy finally feels good

That's when you know it's over"