This year of my life has been pretty epic thus far. With three months left until my next birthday, Father's Day having just past, and one day of the first camp of the season coming to a close, I find myself in a rather pensive state. I am reflecting on all that has happened during this year of my life and in the three years since my dad went on from this place to heaven.
This year started a new decade in my life, as I turned 30. It has been both incredible and destructive and around every turn I have wanted nothing more than a conversation with my Dad. 30 has afforded me many interesting opportunities that I have faced head-on and tackled including finding a new apartment to buying a new vehicle.
30 has also seen love and heartbreak as I began a relationship with a man, with whom I saw the potential to spend the rest of my life with. A man I loved deeply and dearly and would have walked through fire or storm with. That relationship was not to last and caused a lot of pain and heartache. But GOD! When you yield everything to Him and say, "Only your perfect will, will do," you have to be ready for anything and everything. So while that relationship was real and substantial, ultimately God had other plans for him and for myself. In the moments following the ending of that relationship, all I wanted was an enveloping hug from my father and to hear the words, "It's all right, Punk. It will get better from here. You are enough. You are more. You will be okay." Although, I could not hear those words from him, I felt them and that has to be enough.
There have been so many things that I have faced in the three years since my father's death and every time, without fail, I always think about what he would be doing or saying if he was here for these moments. Understand, I know that my father is in a place of joy where there is no more sorrow, suffering, or pain. He is in heaven singing "Holy, Holy, Holy." He is dancing at the feet of Jesus. That image brings me solace and hope. The last three years have seen God do an incredible work in my heart and life from unfathomable honors and blessings to harrowing failures. I do not regret any decisions or choices I have made. I have learned. I have loved. I will continue to press on until I, too, am called home.
So, although this first year of my thirties will rapidly come to a close, I am by no means finished. I will push harder, shout louder, love deeper, pray without limitations, and pour myself out on everyone and every thing that surrounds me. I will believe GOD for everything that HE has planned for me. I will continue to dream "impossible" dreams and live vibrantly. For anything less would be a waste.
I am a continuation of my Father's heart in this world, in my family, and in my life. I am part of his legacy and he is my heritage. So too, will I seek to see others through the eyes of my heart as my Heavenly Father commands. My heartbeat contains the rhythm of my Dad's and will always beat to the tempo of my Abba Father.
Have a good night.
Nice!
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