The Things that Come Against You in the Dark

At this point of my life, more than any other, I find myself to be a night owl. More than that, however, I burn the candle at both ends. I wake early and go to sleep late. It is common place to find myself only getting five hours of sleep a night, sometimes less. I say these things not to complain, but rather to add emphasis to the statements to come. I know what it is to do life in the waking hours or daylight and I know what it is to do life in the sleeping hours or the darkness.

Please understand, the point of the post is not to encourage you to sleep little and do more over the course of the day. To be honest, there is nothing more, some days, that I would like than to be able to sleep eight hours. However, it does not seem to be my life in this season. Rather, in this season of stretching and refining, I am often awoken from sleep and finding myself unable to return to sleep, I engage my mind in other tasks. Honestly, when I find myself in these situations, I first try simply to fall back asleep. It is, however, never that simple. Therefore, I choose instead to engage myself in reading and studying scripture, reading a book from my unending book list, journaling or blogging, or sometimes engaging in other creative pursuits such as painting or sketching. 

There is something about the night, devoid of light, that seems to compound or intensify the doubts or attacks that can come. In some ways, if I was attacked with the same words or in the same ways during the daytime, it would be easy to mount a defense against them. However, there is something about trying to defend yourself and hold on to hope and light despite the unrelenting darkness that is wearying and impossible at times. Maybe it is due to the fact that at these times, in the middle of the night, it is often impossible or unrealistic to expect a friend to be in a position to send encouragement or hope due to the fact that most are sleeping.

It is in these attacks in the darkness, that I find myself battling against doubts, insecurities, struggles, lies, and wounds from the past.  It is in these moments, that I struggle against the idea that regardless of how much I pour into those around me and the potential for impact, that I will accomplish nothing. That I am nothing, worth nothing, can do nothing, can hope for nothing. In the face of such an onslaught, it would be easy to simply give up, lie down on the floor, and cry until the morning light begins to stream into my windows.  However easy it would be to give up, it is always worth it to push through, speak against the darkness, and remember how incredible, mighty, powerful, and holy our God is always.

Now this is not to say that I haven't had moments of despair with my knees pulled tight against my chest, bawling my eyes out, because I have. I will be honest with you about that. I choose to feel those emotions when they come at me and engage with the thoughts and problems because it is only by choosing to engage that we can fight.  In times like this, however, I do not stay in despair or sorrow. Rather, I rise up and let the light in - whether it be the light of the dawning of a new day, the light that exudes from the promises of God found in the scriptures, or the light found in playing music and engaging in worship.

2 Corinthians 4:6 states,
⁶ For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”^[a] made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.
 
So, if tonight, you find yourself awake in the hours when most are sleeping, I pray that you would fin hope in the light, stop complaining about not being able to sleep, and use the time given to center yourself on God. I pray, too, that should you find yourself under attack that you would know that you are more than conquerors. There is no thought, feeling, emotion, circumstance, or fear that can plague you in the darkness of night, that can stand up to the light and power of Jesus Christ.

So, step out of the darkness and into the light, even if it is the middle of the night.