Going through the struggle

There is a hashtag that trends through conversations and comments on social media that covers a multitude of things and moments.

#thestruggleisreal

 

 

Most recently this hashtag could be used in the lives of some of my friends and in my own life in terms of relationships. Anyone who has been single for a period of time as an adult will be able to connect with this statement.  Finding yourself in the three-ring circus that is dating can definitely be seen as a struggle. The struggle intensifies when you compare the ideals of a relationship founded within the context of God's word or Christian values and the realities of relationships in the world. It can be so difficult to trust the timing of God when you are single. Oftentimes, when we try to press the timing of God that we end up in relationships or conversations that although entertaining or fun for the moment are not what we actually want to end up with in the long run.  In that moment, we must choose to be in a relationship of the world so that we might not have to be alone or to hold on, even though the struggle is oh so real, and wait on the timing of God.

 

Now, I am not saying that to wait on the timing of God means to sit on a bench and simply wait for your Mr. or Mrs. Right to come find you. Nor am I saying that waiting on the timing of God is easy. Like most things, waiting on the right relationship is not easy, especially in a society where we are used to instant gratification. Just so we are clear, as I write this blog, I am single and there is no person pursuing me at this moment - so when I talk about waiting on the timing of God as a single person, I can see it from the perspective of someone living those same circumstances.

 

I will say too that I have not always held on to God's timing and have gone after relationships because I was unwilling to wait any longer. In both of those circumstances, I came out the other side of the relationship hurting and broken rather than feeling whole from being in a relationship. Our purpose in this life is to pursue God whether we do that as someone who is single or married.  Our wholeness comes from the primary relationship in our life, the relationship that is life-giving, love-breathing, and future-building; the relationship with Jesus. In the face of a world wherein dating is constantly thrust in your face through social media apps, dating services, and well-meaning friends who seek to set you up with their friends, it can be difficult to keep the primary relationship the primary relationship.

 

My hope for you is that you don't have to go through the struggle because you press in on God with your timing instead of His and go after relationships that are not for you.  Press in, instead, to God and run hard for his plan and timing.  Keep that relationship first and everything else will take care of itself because our God is greater that any struggle.

The Things that Come Against You in the Dark

At this point of my life, more than any other, I find myself to be a night owl. More than that, however, I burn the candle at both ends. I wake early and go to sleep late. It is common place to find myself only getting five hours of sleep a night, sometimes less. I say these things not to complain, but rather to add emphasis to the statements to come. I know what it is to do life in the waking hours or daylight and I know what it is to do life in the sleeping hours or the darkness.

Please understand, the point of the post is not to encourage you to sleep little and do more over the course of the day. To be honest, there is nothing more, some days, that I would like than to be able to sleep eight hours. However, it does not seem to be my life in this season. Rather, in this season of stretching and refining, I am often awoken from sleep and finding myself unable to return to sleep, I engage my mind in other tasks. Honestly, when I find myself in these situations, I first try simply to fall back asleep. It is, however, never that simple. Therefore, I choose instead to engage myself in reading and studying scripture, reading a book from my unending book list, journaling or blogging, or sometimes engaging in other creative pursuits such as painting or sketching. 

There is something about the night, devoid of light, that seems to compound or intensify the doubts or attacks that can come. In some ways, if I was attacked with the same words or in the same ways during the daytime, it would be easy to mount a defense against them. However, there is something about trying to defend yourself and hold on to hope and light despite the unrelenting darkness that is wearying and impossible at times. Maybe it is due to the fact that at these times, in the middle of the night, it is often impossible or unrealistic to expect a friend to be in a position to send encouragement or hope due to the fact that most are sleeping.

It is in these attacks in the darkness, that I find myself battling against doubts, insecurities, struggles, lies, and wounds from the past.  It is in these moments, that I struggle against the idea that regardless of how much I pour into those around me and the potential for impact, that I will accomplish nothing. That I am nothing, worth nothing, can do nothing, can hope for nothing. In the face of such an onslaught, it would be easy to simply give up, lie down on the floor, and cry until the morning light begins to stream into my windows.  However easy it would be to give up, it is always worth it to push through, speak against the darkness, and remember how incredible, mighty, powerful, and holy our God is always.

Now this is not to say that I haven't had moments of despair with my knees pulled tight against my chest, bawling my eyes out, because I have. I will be honest with you about that. I choose to feel those emotions when they come at me and engage with the thoughts and problems because it is only by choosing to engage that we can fight.  In times like this, however, I do not stay in despair or sorrow. Rather, I rise up and let the light in - whether it be the light of the dawning of a new day, the light that exudes from the promises of God found in the scriptures, or the light found in playing music and engaging in worship.

2 Corinthians 4:6 states,
⁶ For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”^[a] made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.
 
So, if tonight, you find yourself awake in the hours when most are sleeping, I pray that you would fin hope in the light, stop complaining about not being able to sleep, and use the time given to center yourself on God. I pray, too, that should you find yourself under attack that you would know that you are more than conquerors. There is no thought, feeling, emotion, circumstance, or fear that can plague you in the darkness of night, that can stand up to the light and power of Jesus Christ.

So, step out of the darkness and into the light, even if it is the middle of the night.

30 for 30

It is incredible to believe that in just twenty-five days I will turn 30.  It does not seem possible that this much time has already gone by in my life. It reaffirms within me that there is no time to waste in this life.  There is still too much yet to be done and said.  I have been reflecting on this upcoming birthday for quite a while. All of my cousins that were born in '85 with me have already turned 30 and each of them has had their own way of celebrating this "milestone" birthday.  I have had many people asking me what I am going to do for this birthday for weeks and months now and to be honest, I have no clue. I am not looking for fanfare or massive celebrations.  I want to be more intentional with my life, with the relationships I have, the work that I do, and the dreams in my heart.

More than ever before in my life, I desire to be used by God - not so that I may be known or lifted up, but rather, so that He would be made known to those who have yet to encounter him. I want to be broken before Him, in reality shattered so that I may be dependent on Him and stop trying to take care of myself in my strength. I want to be poured out to encourage, love on, and lift up all those around me. As such, I have decided that for this upcoming "milestone" birthday that I am going to do something that I am titling, "30 for 30."

The purpose of 30 for 30 is to be intentional in the lives of others around me. I am not seeking to do random acts of kindness, but instead intentional acts of encouragement, kindness, compassion, and bravery.  So as I venture out on this journey of 30 for 30, please join me in prayer that God would open my eyes every day to the situations in which He is calling for me to act, stand up, and intercede.  Also, if you are so led, join me on this adventure of 30 intentional acts over the next 25 days to celebrate this birthday. If you aren't, no worries. It is most definitely going to be interesting.

#30for30

More

The word more is often spoken into our lives. Sometimes this word can bring with it growth, hope, encouragement, love, and caring. People can speak "more" into our lives when they push us to give more over to Jesus, to trust more, to care more, to love more, to hope more, or even to have faith more. More is one of those terms that has infinite potential, the effect of more is altered only by the method by which it is delivered.

Just as more can be put into our lives to plant and spread hope, it can be put into our lives to maim and destroy. Not only do other people push more onto and into us, we heap more upon our own shoulders by the desire to do and be more.  Now, let me clarify that there is nothing inherently wrong by wanting to do and be more, however, the problem comes when that more comes at the cost of demeaning, devaluing, and belittling yourself. The problem of more affects both men and women, adult and teenager alike.

Be more like him or her.
Be more like your parents.
Be more like your sister or brother.
Be more like the norm.
Be more than you are.
Be more of a man.
Be more of a woman.
Be more of a thinker.
Be more of a doer.
Be more of a worker.
Be more of a leader.
Be more of a servant.
Be more of a lover.
Be more fashionable.
Be more athletic.
Be more artistic.
Be more compassionate.
Be more strong. (Yes, I know grammatically speaking it should say Be stronger.)
Be more masculine to attract that girl.
Be more feminine to attract that guy.
Be more than you could ever hope to be.
BE MORE.

These thoughts and statements, when used to devalue, demean, and destroy, come at the cost of losing who it is you are and what it is you are put here to do. In order to do and be more to fit others view of who and what we should be, we tend to bend in ways and ultimately break down because we are trying to fit into a mold we were never meant to go into. Instead, we were born to break the mold, to go against the grain, to be different from everyone else around us.

You don't have to try to be more like someone else. All you have to do is love yourself more than you do in this moment because God, the father, and Jesus, our Savior, LOVE you MORE than you can ever imagine. Jesus wants you MORE than anyone or anything else. Jesus wants you to be MORE like you and you have ever been before. He wants you to stand tall and know that you are MORE than conquerors in Him. To know that you are MORE courageous, compassionate, trusting, hopeful, faithful, kind, loving, and joyful in HIM than by yourself or by trying to be someone you are not meant to be.

So be who you were created to be, not the more that society around you says you must be.
YOU ARE MORE than you can imagine.
YOU ARE WORTH MORE than rubies.
YOU ARE LOVED MORE.
YOU ARE MORE.

Vulnerability

The word vulnerable has been at the front of my thoughts throughout this past weekend. In life and in leadership it can be difficult to be transparent, open, and vulnerable. Mostly, this is due to the definition that the world has assigned the word. The average definition for vulnerable is susceptible to being hurt, wounded, or destroyed.  In addition to the less than stellar definition, some of the synonyms of vulnerable are defenseless, unsafe, and unprotected.  These synonyms and definitions make vulnerability seem to be a weakness or something to be avoided at all costs.  As such, people are not very open to the idea of making themselves vulnerable to those around them.

Another reason that vulnerability is difficult is it requires firm trust of those with whom you share your life and experiences. Being vulnerable means being real. It means sharing the joys of life alongside the failings and burdens.  It means sharing experiences, choices, and decisions and being open to others opinions, regards, and conjectures about them. Vulnerability is baring yourself, your heart, your dreams, your hopes, and much more to those around you. 

Being vulnerable, though is not a weakness or something to be pitied for as the definitions or synonyms would have you believe. Rather, in being vulnerable, strength is found. In truly being open, transparent, and vulnerable with those around you and those with whom you do life, there a strength beyond what can be found in one individual. It is a collective strength. A strength that when life deals burdens, pain, trials, or sorrow, that there are people standing with you, fighting with you, praying with you, pressing forward with you. A strength that when life provides joys and triumphs, that there are people celebrating with you and praising God for the victory with you.

So be brave. Be real. Be courageous. There is no need to keep the walls up and your heart closed off. People care. You are not a burden - your situations are not a burden. You are not meant to do life alone. So open up and be vulnerable with your people.

What is Visible to You?

We are see things differently.

That could be seen as a loaded statement, so to speak. However, I mean it in the most literal way possible. Each and every person sees things differently. We see with our eyes and within our eyes, it is the retina that is tasked with sending information to the brain and identifying color. The rods sense size, brightness, and shape. The cones sense details and colors. Every eye is different in terms of the number of rods and cones that it contains and as such the picture of what we see varies. At the very base of what we use our eyes for, sensing the world around us, there are drastic differences.

Therefore, it would make sense that those differences would carry past colors and details into more serious areas of life.  The eyes that we have that allow us to perceive contrasts in colors and minute details, also carry the weight of identifying the situations around us. Those situations are then categorized in our brains in terms of importance or necessity.  At a glance, we form opinions, make decisions, and often pass judgments.  At a glance, we decide to engage in a situation or back away.  At a glance, we decide whether or not it is worth it or if we have the time to engage in conversation with the people around us, whether we know them or not.

Tonight, I stumbled upon a quote with no citation that stated, "It would be too easy to say that I feel invisible. Instead, I feel painfully visible, and entirely ignored." If we truly took notice of our lives and actions, I fear that we would find that all too often we look through people instead of at people. We offer a half-smile, head nod, or brief word and then continue on with our lives not impacted or influenced by those miniscule moments.

To feel invisible carries its own weight and burden. To know that you are completely unseen and can move through live without so much as a ripple or glance thrown your way. However, all too often the pain comes not from being invisible, but from being completely ignored or seen but not cared for. In our busy society we are quick to offer small statements such as, "How are you" or "It's good to see you." Then, in that same moment, we give a half-hearted response and push on to the next thing or next person. This type of interaction succeeds only in creating people who are painfully seen and altogether ignored.

It brings to mind the story of the Good Samaritan found in Luke 10:30-37.

³⁰ In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. ³¹ A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. ³² So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. ³³ But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. ³⁴ He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. ³⁵ The next day he took out two denarii^[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

³⁶ “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

³⁷ The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

 

Both the priest and the Levite saw the man and chose to completely and totally ignore him regardless of the condition the man was in. They chose to ignore what they saw even to the point of passing by on the other side of the road. The hurting man was not invisible; neither the priest nor the Levite could make that claim since both pointedly moved away from the man. The hurt man was ignored and as such an already difficult circumstance was made worse by the inconsiderate actions of the first two men.

 

The story goes on to say, however, that a third man appeared. This man went to the dirty, beaten, naked, half-dead man and bandaged his wound, gave him a ride while he walked, took him to an inn, and paid for him to be well taken care of.  The Bible is clear in the terms used here that the third man was a Samaritan. This is important because the Jewish people had nothing to do with Samaritans and vice versa. So not only is it that the Samaritan man saw and helped the ignored man, but also that he threw cultural restrictions or rules to wind to do what was right to see the man who was visible but ignored.

 

Have you ever experienced this feeling - no - this knowing that you are completely seen by others, but wholly uncared for? It is not some fleeting moment, that knowledge can stick to you and resurface at times throughout life. If this is you, please know that you are fully and completely seen. I see you, even if I do not know you. I relate to you.  More than my sight though, you are fully seen and fully known by a compassionate and loving God who promises in Deuteronomy 31:6 to never leave you or forsake you. Even if you do not know Him, He knows you.

 

The flip side of this situation is those of us who go around seeing but ignored. We can no longer claim to be lacking sight. In doing so, we are doing more damage to those who are hurting already. So the next time you find yourself giving a brief head nod, half-smile, or half-hearted greeting, stop and think about it. Take the moment, be fully present, and see who is before you. Show up in their lives whether it is the stranger you meet in the line at the grocery store, the homeless man sitting on the street corner, the friend who seems strong enough that they could never need anyone but takes on the burdens of everyone around them, your neighbor, your coworker, your Mom, or your spouse. Take the moment, talk, smile, engage, and pray --- pray for the person, their situation, that they would know they are seen. Then show up again and again and again. I pray that from this point on, since you are now aware, that people would be visible to and cared for by you.

Holding the Line

Waiting is difficult.

This should not come as a surprise; everyone regardless of their age has had an unfortunate experience with waiting. Sometimes it is waiting in a line, waiting for someone to arrive, waiting for a diagnosis, waiting for healing, waiting for a new job or opportunity, or just waiting in general. In today's society, there is this expectation that everything should happen immediately without any type of waiting.

Honestly waiting is oftentimes annoying, frustrating, or difficult because of the length of time it entails. When waiting, there is no certainty of how long the waiting will last or what the outcome after the waiting will be. I wonder if sometimes we misuse the periods of waiting in our lives whether in a moment, circumstance, or season.

All to often society dictates that waiting be tedious and something to be borne with a grimace not with grace. That waiting is accomplished by sitting and watching life continue on and simply pausing until the waiting is over.  The waiting at the doctor's office can be filled with anxiety, fear, or worry. The waiting to land in the airplane can be filled with annoyance and frustration. The waiting in the line at the grocery store with a screaming toddler can be filled with sorrow and anger. The list of areas in which waiting occurs and the responses to the waiting are as vast as they are various.

In contrast to society, I would argue that waiting in and of itself is not a passive state. Meaning that waiting does not mean that one stops completely until the next opportunity presents itself. Rather, there is action required in the waiting. How we wait will determine our response to the opportunities that present themselves.

Psalm 27:4 says, "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." While it may seems that this scripture only fits for those circumstances wherein you are waiting to hear from God, in reality this scripture applies to every situation of waiting. Regardless of the type or length of the waiting, we need to only wait for the LORD because He will show up on time and in the way that is necessary. To be strong, to take heart, and to wait are all commands given in this scripture and all are actions. All three of these commands require training and discipline to obey. Waiting requires our trust that God's plans are far bigger, brighter, and greater than anything we could think or image. Waiting requires that we seek God more than ever before. Waiting requires an active faith that keeps moving even when the world says to stop. Waiting requires courage and strength.

I believe that the waiting process is a refining process. In order for us to get to the next place, position, or step, there are things that have to be processed out of us, our lives, our relationships, our character. It is only when we go through the refining or the waiting, that we are able to take hold of the next step or part of our journey or receive the answer for which we are waiting.

So, I challenge you that the next time you find yourself waiting, instead of becoming frustrated and anxious, look around and see how God wants you to respond in that moment. Search yourself for the things within and around that need to change in order to move through the waiting. Keep strong, have faith, and endure the waiting with hope and a smile.

Look! No Hands!

As is often the case in my life, there is a part of a song that is stuck on repeat inside my head. These words have been unrelenting in my life recently, coming to me at all different times and in different situations. It is a simple song and yet the meaning is simply profound.

 I lean not on my own understanding,

My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven

 

I Give it all to you God,

Trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me

 

I will climb this mountain

With my hands wide open

I will climb this mountain

With my hands wide open

 

There is nothing I hold on to

There is nothing I hold on to

There is nothing I hold on to

There is nothing I hold on to

That is it, that is the entire song --- I told you that it was simple. But its simplicity does not lessen its importance, rather I find that it magnifies the message of this song.  For a moment I want to you imagine a picture with me.

You stand at the base of the cliff with the climber who will soon begin their ascent. Your job is to use the camera you hold to document every moment of the climb as you are securely hoisted up the cliff face in the harness. As you enjoy your leisurely ride up the sheer cliff, the climber will have to use every muscle and every part of their brain to navigate the climb with only their hands, feet, and ropes. Slowly but surely the climber begins to scale the cliff; they are selective as to where to put their hands and feet every time they move. Every move is deliberate and calculated, the climber is in total control.

Can you see it? Do you have the picture?

Now, I want you to imagine that the climber has no ropes, no help, no net or harness to aid them if they fall. Not just that, but also as they climb, they are not using their hands, fingers, or fingertips to grab onto rocks and handholds. Instead they are climbing with their palms and fingers flat against the unyielding rock.

It doesn't make sense nor is it humanly possibly to climb without grabbing ahold of something firm. And yet, this song shows us a perfect picture of what trusting God is.

I will climb this mountain

With my hands wide open

 

There is nothing I hold on to

That when we trust God completely we don't have to search for the handholds or be connected by a series of ropes or have plan B, C, D, et al in case plan A doesn't work out. Instead, we simply have to open our hands and with our palms pressed flush against the cliff face, we will be able to climb with success.

This is a hard task because we humans like to be in control of our decisions and our lives. To give up the handhold means to give up the control of where we are going and to take up the risk that we may fall and be hurt.  We have to acknowledge that we are not in control.  The control belongs solely to God, for He sees the big picture and is threading together millions of strings at once to make the story of our life and the story of the lives around us. When we try to retain control, our sight is limited, we only can see one thread and truly only one small section of that thread.

I think that in going forward in this life, I will strive to day in and day out climb with my hands wide open holding onto nothing in or of this world. I will strive to trust God and relinquish all control to Him. I trust Him explicitly.

The Words You Say

The old adage goes "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." However, the power of words is far greater and longer lasting than any physical action. Words have the distinct ability to wound people the deepest and cause the most fear, doubt, and vulnerability. Oftentimes people do not take care with the words that they say, but rather allow anything to fly out of their mouth at a moments notice without regards to the person with whom they are speaking.  Then with that very same breath, people offer pleasantries to others.  It does not make sense.

The terrifying thing about words is not just the ability they have to wound, but also that those wounds and the scars that form from them are invisible. They cannot be seen by others and yet the torment and the pain is still there and still real to the bearer.  We should have more care with our words. It is from our words that we will be known and remembered. In one moment, with one outburst, you can ruin a relationship or friendship whether you have known the person for five seconds or fifty years.

James 3:10 says, "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be."  And yet, all too often it is exactly where we find ourselves. In one moment producing words of praise and in the very next laying stripes in a persons back with our words as if using a whip. There is hope for us yet, in that just as there is power to wound in the terrible phrases used against people, there is also power to encourage, support, uplift, and proffer bravery through words.

Personally, I was reminded of this a few weeks ago when a couple of people that I have not known long spoke volumes of encouragement into my life over a few short nights.  Encouraging words have the power to not only to speak life but also to erase the pain caused by past words of destruction.  By simply giving time, listening, and yielding to God's prompting, they spoke healing directly to wounds that I know are there but are invisible to everyone surrounding me.

We all have this same great potential to radically alter the lives of people around us simply with the words we speak out.  In naught but a moment we can push someone to the breaking point or pull them down off of the ledge. In fact, 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." This is a direct command to speak hope and life, not to judge or condemn or destroy others with the words that are spoken.

Words have power to affect thinking, actions, hopes, dreams, lives, and futures. I think back to words that I've spoken to people in moments of hardship or anger and every time as soon as the words came out of my mouth, I wished that there was a way to pull them back. I have wounded people, people I love and others that I have barely known. In the same regards, I have been wounded by those who have barely known me and those who have loved me. I believe that at one point or another every person has been wounded by words and we cannot change that past. There is still hope for the future. The words spoken in those moments yet to come do not have to destroy, but rather can breathe life into people.

Just as I can remember the pain caused by others words and my own, I remember to hope spoken into my life and that I have spoken into others. Just today, I had a conversation with a young lady who served at and attended camps this summer and was able to offer a few words of hope and encourage her to persevere through her present circumstances. I hope for more and more of these conversations every single day.  Just to be clear, I am not perfect nor will I ever be, not in action or in word. But I strive to daily speak more life and hope into people than negativity or despair. I wonder what would happen if we all did so --- if instead of allowing whatever words come to mind to flow out of our mouths regardless of the consequence, we were intentional with both the words that we speak and to whom they are spoken.

With the power I have been given, I choose to speak hope, to speak life, to speak power, to speak courage, and to speak love. You have a choice as well, just remember that in your words, you hold the power to forever impact others.

The Dance

The music begins, slowly at first, and gradually increases in volume while the tempo remains languid. Couples partner up and begin to fill the open space; the reserved seat at my side, however, is empty. The one who was to occupy it will not be coming. The dance floor continues to fill as the sound of dresses swishing and the soft murmurs of the dancing partners can be heard, mingling with the music.  Her heart falls because there will be no dancing for her tonight, because the young man is no longer a part of her life. Then, from the shadows behind her, someone else appears. A hand is extended with an offer - one dance.  Over his shoulder, she can see the bride and groom dancing. Slowly they begin to dance, she smiles and relaxes. As the dance continues, he pauses and says, "Lauren, let me lead."

After a time, the music begins to wind down. He leans and says, "One day we will do this again, the only difference is that on that day, you will be wearing white." This dance is the dance, the one that replays in my mind. It is a dance that I'll never have again. A dance that will be missing at my wedding because it was a dance with my Dad.


There are many lessons to be learned from this brief moment in time. The one that sticks out to me tonight is found in the words spoken to me that fall evening a few years ago, "Lauren, let me lead."  In my family there is a running joke that we Monroe's can be a little headstrong, independent, or stubborn; the story goes that we get it from our Scottish heritage.  I prefer to call the trait perseverance. Perseverance can be defined as the ability to remain steadfast in a course of action or for a purpose in spite of the difficulties or obstacles faced. 

Perseverance is a great trait to possess, however sometimes I have found that it can be a flaw in my life. This is due to the fact that I will try to persevere in a task, for a purpose, or to accomplish an action only to find that someone else was trying to have me relinquish the lead.  The lead in a dance is the male dancer; he determines the direction and the steps and carries the female dancer, or the follow, through the dance. Now this is not to say that they follow or female dancer does not have to work because it is hard work to dance backwards in high heels while paying attention to the other dancers on the floor and following the lead of your partner.  Oftentimes when partners are out of sync with each other on the dance floor it is because rather than a lead and follow, both are fighting for the lead.

There are times that we are called to lead, to be strong and move forward and persevere in the vision provided us. However, more often than not, we are called to follow the lead of another who has a bigger picture of our life and of the lives around us. We are called to follow God's lead and to trust Him with the steps that we are taking, even if it is backwards in high heels. It is very easy to feel like we have the ability to take care of every situation, when in reality, God is pausing, looking at us with the eyes of a loving father and saying, "Let me lead."

So, let go and trust that He knows the plans for your life and will not take you anywhere and leave you. He does not let us remain in despair, sorrow, shame, depression, loneliness, angst, anger, or any other place. Stop fighting for the lead, you do not have to go through this life in full control, we were not built that way.  Throughout it all, he simply is there with his arms stretched out, waiting for us to remember that in this dance, He leads.  Can you hear the music yet? His hand is stretched out waiting for your response to accept his lead in the dance.

A Dangled Carrot

As the oldest of four siblings, the Saturday morning routine was my responsibility throughout my childhood and adolescence. Oftentimes, my mother had to work most weekends during the day and my father worked at nights on the weekends. Thus, my job was to make sure that my siblings woke up, had breakfast, completed their chores, all without waking up dad.  We were only allowed to watch cartoons during breakfast and if the chores were completed prior to dad getting up. Now the cartoons I am talking about here were the hey day of cartoons, in my opinion. We watched Looney Tunes, Tom & Jerry, and so many other cartoons that are now considered "classic." 

My brother and I often laughed at the antics of Wiley E. Coyote as he was determined to catch the Road Runner and Elmer Fudd as he sought to nab Bugs Bunny. Oftentimes Elmer Fudd would set a trap with a dangled carrot to lure in Bugs Bunny. Now Bugs Bunny was mostly successful in retrieving the carrot without being caught by Elmer Fudd. That notion of the dangled carrot as a lure has been playing in my head over the last few weeks.

I once heard that hope deferred breeds bitterness. This is an issue seen time and time again in life, where much like dangling a carrot in front of a rabbit, hope is dangled in front of people. However, unlike Bugs Bunny, most of the time people are not successful in ever retrieving the dangled carrot. Instead, those who dangle carrots lure and manipulate people into staying on a team or in a position with the hope that one day all they are seeking will be given to them because they deserve it. Dangled carrots have a variety of appearances from a relationship going to the next level, to a promotion at work, to friends spending more time with one another, to loans being repaid, to honor or recognition given that was overlooked previously, to help offered.

There are two ways to speak to this situation, one is in terms of the Carrot Dangler or Hope Dangler and the other in terms of the Rabbit Seeking the Carrot or Person Holding Out for a Chance.  In leadership, whether in business, relationships, ministry, or any other area, leaders must be aware of the difference between offering a valid hope or offer to someone that is measurable and attainable and consistently referring to an opportunity that is unlikely to actually occur. Lets use parent volunteers at school as an example. If I told parents consistently over time that there would be opportunities for them to volunteer and participate in the life of the classroom, however, I never provided actual opportunities for them to do it, then I am dangling a carrot. Or in other terms, I am constantly giving them hope that they will be able to accomplish something that they want to do when it is not happening, thus that hope is deferred. Hope deferred can breed bitterness, distrust, and pain.  Thus, leaders must be cognizant that the words that they are saying or opportunities that they are offering are attainable and be intentional with carrying them out. If you have dangled carrots, apologize, ask for forgiveness, and move forward.

Now for the person that is holding out for a chance that is consistently being talked about but never actually happens, know that it is hard to be in this situation. It can be very easy to become bitter towards the individual, organization, business, team, event, or a combination of all these. In addition, that bitterness can lead to distrust and pain. These are not easy emotions to deal with because they don't stay within the context of that one situation or person, rather they bleed into all areas of life. Then, one day there is the realization that bitterness, pain, and distrust having become the first reactions to all events.  Therefore, if you are going through a situation like this, the best option is to speak openly and honestly with whomever is "dangling the carrot" about the concerns with the situation and how it is affecting your emotions, goals, attitudes, and life overall.  If the situation continues beyond that, then it may be necessary to either go up the chain of command to personnel with more authority or to move on from it completely.  Before making such a decision, though, it is important to pray, to seek God's will for you in terms of the situation, person, or event.

Bitterness has to be dealt with because if it is left unchecked it will fester until is affects all areas of life. In Ephesians 4:31-32 it says,  ³¹ "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."  We are unable to change people or their actions, however, we are able to forgive and show compassion even when we have been hurt.  

Bottom line, to confront bitterness you have to communicate with the one causing it, forgive them, and move forward.

We ARE Known

There has been a song stuck on repeat in my head all day long, You Know Me by Bethel.
These lyrics in particular:

You have been
And You will be
And You have seen
And You will see

You know when I rise and when I fall
When I come or go, You see it all
You hung the stars and You move the sea,
And still You know me
And nothing is hidden from Your sight
Wherever I go, You find me
And You know every detail of my life
And You are God and You don't miss a thing



When you really focus on the words of this song, it has the potential to totally wreck you. GOD is SO much bigger that our infinitesimal selves, and yet we often operate as if our circumstances are bigger than HIM.

GOD has always been and will be. There is nothing that is hidden from Him about our lives, even the secrets we keep hidden from the light are known to Him. He knows our darkest and brightest moments, he knows who we were once and who we are becoming now. He knows us more fully than anyone else will ever know us. He holds not only our highlight reel that we push out to those around us through our actions, words, and social media platforms, but also all of the background footage that we try to exclude from the vision of others.

It should rock us to our very cores to realize that it matters not because He still sees and knows all and loves us. Period. We have got to shift from living in terror or worry of our circumstances to living in the knowledge that the one who controls all things has us in HIS sight.

One of the deepest needs within us is to be known, to be accepted, to be wanted, to no longer be lonely, to be loved. So listen, that need cannot be met by the best of friends, the worst of enemies, or the greatest significant other or spouse. It can only be met by the one who formed us and knows our needs and stands ready to meet them.

GOD is with you, right beside you, moving in this very moment, saying, "I know you. I want you. I formed you. I accept you. I am with you. I love you."

So, no matter where your life is right now or where you are with God at this moment, start moving forward because you are known.