The Dance

The music begins, slowly at first, and gradually increases in volume while the tempo remains languid. Couples partner up and begin to fill the open space; the reserved seat at my side, however, is empty. The one who was to occupy it will not be coming. The dance floor continues to fill as the sound of dresses swishing and the soft murmurs of the dancing partners can be heard, mingling with the music.  Her heart falls because there will be no dancing for her tonight, because the young man is no longer a part of her life. Then, from the shadows behind her, someone else appears. A hand is extended with an offer - one dance.  Over his shoulder, she can see the bride and groom dancing. Slowly they begin to dance, she smiles and relaxes. As the dance continues, he pauses and says, "Lauren, let me lead."

After a time, the music begins to wind down. He leans and says, "One day we will do this again, the only difference is that on that day, you will be wearing white." This dance is the dance, the one that replays in my mind. It is a dance that I'll never have again. A dance that will be missing at my wedding because it was a dance with my Dad.


There are many lessons to be learned from this brief moment in time. The one that sticks out to me tonight is found in the words spoken to me that fall evening a few years ago, "Lauren, let me lead."  In my family there is a running joke that we Monroe's can be a little headstrong, independent, or stubborn; the story goes that we get it from our Scottish heritage.  I prefer to call the trait perseverance. Perseverance can be defined as the ability to remain steadfast in a course of action or for a purpose in spite of the difficulties or obstacles faced. 

Perseverance is a great trait to possess, however sometimes I have found that it can be a flaw in my life. This is due to the fact that I will try to persevere in a task, for a purpose, or to accomplish an action only to find that someone else was trying to have me relinquish the lead.  The lead in a dance is the male dancer; he determines the direction and the steps and carries the female dancer, or the follow, through the dance. Now this is not to say that they follow or female dancer does not have to work because it is hard work to dance backwards in high heels while paying attention to the other dancers on the floor and following the lead of your partner.  Oftentimes when partners are out of sync with each other on the dance floor it is because rather than a lead and follow, both are fighting for the lead.

There are times that we are called to lead, to be strong and move forward and persevere in the vision provided us. However, more often than not, we are called to follow the lead of another who has a bigger picture of our life and of the lives around us. We are called to follow God's lead and to trust Him with the steps that we are taking, even if it is backwards in high heels. It is very easy to feel like we have the ability to take care of every situation, when in reality, God is pausing, looking at us with the eyes of a loving father and saying, "Let me lead."

So, let go and trust that He knows the plans for your life and will not take you anywhere and leave you. He does not let us remain in despair, sorrow, shame, depression, loneliness, angst, anger, or any other place. Stop fighting for the lead, you do not have to go through this life in full control, we were not built that way.  Throughout it all, he simply is there with his arms stretched out, waiting for us to remember that in this dance, He leads.  Can you hear the music yet? His hand is stretched out waiting for your response to accept his lead in the dance.

A Dangled Carrot

As the oldest of four siblings, the Saturday morning routine was my responsibility throughout my childhood and adolescence. Oftentimes, my mother had to work most weekends during the day and my father worked at nights on the weekends. Thus, my job was to make sure that my siblings woke up, had breakfast, completed their chores, all without waking up dad.  We were only allowed to watch cartoons during breakfast and if the chores were completed prior to dad getting up. Now the cartoons I am talking about here were the hey day of cartoons, in my opinion. We watched Looney Tunes, Tom & Jerry, and so many other cartoons that are now considered "classic." 

My brother and I often laughed at the antics of Wiley E. Coyote as he was determined to catch the Road Runner and Elmer Fudd as he sought to nab Bugs Bunny. Oftentimes Elmer Fudd would set a trap with a dangled carrot to lure in Bugs Bunny. Now Bugs Bunny was mostly successful in retrieving the carrot without being caught by Elmer Fudd. That notion of the dangled carrot as a lure has been playing in my head over the last few weeks.

I once heard that hope deferred breeds bitterness. This is an issue seen time and time again in life, where much like dangling a carrot in front of a rabbit, hope is dangled in front of people. However, unlike Bugs Bunny, most of the time people are not successful in ever retrieving the dangled carrot. Instead, those who dangle carrots lure and manipulate people into staying on a team or in a position with the hope that one day all they are seeking will be given to them because they deserve it. Dangled carrots have a variety of appearances from a relationship going to the next level, to a promotion at work, to friends spending more time with one another, to loans being repaid, to honor or recognition given that was overlooked previously, to help offered.

There are two ways to speak to this situation, one is in terms of the Carrot Dangler or Hope Dangler and the other in terms of the Rabbit Seeking the Carrot or Person Holding Out for a Chance.  In leadership, whether in business, relationships, ministry, or any other area, leaders must be aware of the difference between offering a valid hope or offer to someone that is measurable and attainable and consistently referring to an opportunity that is unlikely to actually occur. Lets use parent volunteers at school as an example. If I told parents consistently over time that there would be opportunities for them to volunteer and participate in the life of the classroom, however, I never provided actual opportunities for them to do it, then I am dangling a carrot. Or in other terms, I am constantly giving them hope that they will be able to accomplish something that they want to do when it is not happening, thus that hope is deferred. Hope deferred can breed bitterness, distrust, and pain.  Thus, leaders must be cognizant that the words that they are saying or opportunities that they are offering are attainable and be intentional with carrying them out. If you have dangled carrots, apologize, ask for forgiveness, and move forward.

Now for the person that is holding out for a chance that is consistently being talked about but never actually happens, know that it is hard to be in this situation. It can be very easy to become bitter towards the individual, organization, business, team, event, or a combination of all these. In addition, that bitterness can lead to distrust and pain. These are not easy emotions to deal with because they don't stay within the context of that one situation or person, rather they bleed into all areas of life. Then, one day there is the realization that bitterness, pain, and distrust having become the first reactions to all events.  Therefore, if you are going through a situation like this, the best option is to speak openly and honestly with whomever is "dangling the carrot" about the concerns with the situation and how it is affecting your emotions, goals, attitudes, and life overall.  If the situation continues beyond that, then it may be necessary to either go up the chain of command to personnel with more authority or to move on from it completely.  Before making such a decision, though, it is important to pray, to seek God's will for you in terms of the situation, person, or event.

Bitterness has to be dealt with because if it is left unchecked it will fester until is affects all areas of life. In Ephesians 4:31-32 it says,  ³¹ "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."  We are unable to change people or their actions, however, we are able to forgive and show compassion even when we have been hurt.  

Bottom line, to confront bitterness you have to communicate with the one causing it, forgive them, and move forward.